Traversing My Heart

Trite but true, “The only guarantee in life is that things will change.” Self-admittedly, I like change; however, change often stirs up your life in unfamiliar ways. These past few months have been full of rapid cycles of change. I am thinking differently about this world and my relationships with those in it.  

God has been putting on my heart things that I need to reconcile within myself and those I need to reach out to with arms of forgiveness.  When I think about the relationships that I struggle with – by far- my biggest struggle is that with my mother. Due to my own neurosis, and my life experiences, I have somewhat limited my relationship with her by how much I let her in. When I think about who I really am, it saddens me that she really doesn’t know or understand me fully. Now, my responsibility is to change that – to the extent that I can; however, the problem lies in not knowing how to do that. How do you open up when your instincts are yelling for you to protect yourself?

I often think that I haven’t given my mom the full opportunity to see who I am. I withhold details about my personal life due to fear of how things will be received and as a path of least resistance. Unfortunately, that precludes me from reaping the benefits of maternal support and love.  Deep within my soul, I know that my mother loves me more than herself and would do anything for me. How do I bridge the gap between that knowledge and actively opening up to her?  I am able to openly discuss compartmentalized topics with her with little to no reservation…the challenge becomes opening the flood gate and allowing her access to otherwise prohibited parts of me.  Here’s to the journey for continued growth. God’s patience with me is astounding.

Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.

3 Nephi 5:72



Contentment: Friend or Foe?

The word “contentment” leaves a bad taste in my life.  In the past, to me, contentment has meant apathy, stagnancy, and lack of ambition; however, today, God’s movement in my life is causing me to rethink what it truly means to be content. Can contentment = happiness? Being the nerd that I am, of course I looked up the word contentment to find out more about it. According to the dictionary Contentment is defined as: the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind…or Contentment (adj): to be mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are….

Did that clear things up for you? It certainly didn’t for me. If we are to be a humble, thankful people…does that mean we have to be mentally or emotionally satisfied with thing as they are? Is it ungrateful and sinful to strive for things beyond what God has already blessed you with?  1 Timothy 6- 7 says: “Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment, let us be therewith content”.

Perhaps by restlessness comes from a lack of faith that God will provide me with all I need to be content.  I’ll get back to you on that thought….

Desirous never to return to the valley…I strive onward up the mountain…seeking for Christ, alone, to be the author and finisher of my faith.

Rambling Woman :)

The restlessness is back…and it is back in full force. I wonder if I am just innately restless and my soul will always long to wander. Does anyone else feel like this constantly or am I just insane? Goodbye 6 months of contentment…It was nice knowing you. J As my lens is changing, this time I wonder if the restlessness is something not of God....something that is trying to push me to feel I need to “attempt” to take back control of my life from Him. Well….it isn’t going to work this time. While I am restless (Am I Ever!), I continue to pray that God will lead me to my next whatever...and only He knows where and when that next whatever will be J

Lookout world…the traveling sisters are in the air again. Here we come Casper, Wyoming. You won’t even know what hit ya ;)